Saturday, June 19, 2021

Today I woke up, sent Dillon off to the store with a grocery list, poured some iced coffee and took Biggie for a walk. Along the way, we stopped and talked to 4 neighbors. 2 people who own small businesses around town stopped their cars to say hi. We got a few blocks up to the lake and he wanted to take a break, so we sat on this bench for a few minutes and I started reflecting on how I feel today over how I felt a year ago. It’s crazy how you can make a few changes in your life and become a different person. Lately, I feel so much more like myself.

Authenticity. I quit my very corporate job in January after years of it wearing on my mental health. I was paid well. I had great benefits. There was no chance of layoffs or salary decreases even in Covid times- they were giving extra bonuses. People thought I was literally insane to be leaving. And all I had to defend myself was that I was at a breaking point. When you’re so unhappy at work to where you don’t even enjoy the good parts of your life outside of work, what’s the point of all those perks? I truly felt like I had nothing to lose, and I always saw myself as being entrepreneurial eventually, so I took a big leap and decided to start a business doing a variety of things that made me happy. If I’m being honest, I assumed by this time I would need to start doing something part time along with the business to help keep us afloat. And I was fine with that. But right now, in the midst of wedding season, I am busy to the point of being overwhelmed. I’m pulling all nighters. I’m responding to inquiries everyday despite not having the bandwidth to advertise like I should be. My mom always taught me to be very “midwestern nice”. While working corporate, that personality trait seemed to do nothing but work against me. In starting this business, it feels like years of being polite to people who may not have deserved it and doing favors without compensation is paying off everyday through referrals. When people think you’re good to the core, they want to work with you. I don’t think I anticipated that going into this, and it’s given me a really refreshing take on humanity. I’m my own hardest critic, but lately- I feel really proud of myself. It seems like I’m just putting my head down, being kind, doing what I’m good at, hustling a ton and seeing results. My business has a lot of growing to do, but in these early stages, it’s definitely doing better than I imagined.

Community. Last year, we didn’t know much about our neighborhood because we moved in right when the world shut down. This spring felt like the first real opportunity to be out and about- and I can now confirm that I’m even more obsessed with our neighborhood than I am our house. We get together with our neighbors on Wednesday nights for “neighborhood happy hour”. The kids all play together and the adults stay up well into the night drinking and porch hopping. People offer things to you if they have too much. They remember what you had on your schedule that week and ask about it. This neighborhood seems to be great at introducing people to each other to make helpful connections, there’s something about old houses and a historic road that just attracts interesting people. I have genuinely loved spending time with and getting to know the families around us and it makes this place feel dreamy. The brick paved street, mature trees and constant melody of bird chirps doesn’t hurt either. In starting this business, I also have developed such a strong sense of community. Small business owners in Racine seem to band together to help each other out, and I’ve loved getting to know all of these hustlers. I’ve been a part of some amazing collaborations, and love watching the benefit of us building each other up. After years of living and breathing downtown Kenosha, downtown Racine already feels very much like home.

Balance. This is one I’m still working at, my business feels like my baby right now and I’m pouring most of my hours into it. But, I think this past year has taught me overall how important it is to save your time for what feels right. If my friends are going out to the same bar I’ve been to a million times and I have other things to get done, I feel more okay than ever saying nah. But also, if they want to go boating on a random Friday, it’s so nice to have the flexibility to make time for it. Being in control of my schedule is such a refreshing change of pace, every hour feels intentional. Also, starting a business out of my house and getting a puppy at the same time has lowered my expectations 1000%. We haven’t gotten any renovations done in months, but that’s okay, our priorities are elsewhere right now and we’ll get back to it. When everything seems important at once, it’s funny how you realize how unimportant most things are. 

So that’s it. This photo is underwhelming. But this was my view as I thought about all of this. Me, my house, my business, my family- we all have a lot of growing to do. It feels like I was treading water for years with an unclear mind on where I was supposed to be swimming. But right now, at the very least, it seems like I’m on my path.  I feel very “me” lately. I’m happy and excited to talk about my life and my goals in social settings. I feel really content and settled in my home and with my family. While I’m working, I feel comfortable and confident. It’s a good feeling.

I just wanted to write this mostly as a time stamp for how I was feeling in this season of growth, but also maybe as a push to anyone who is day dreaming of making a change? I’m not an inspirational speaker. But I am someone who really likes to self analyze and talk about feelings. And that’s on being an Enneagram 4. Now, I’m off to cuddle my puppy and clean my messy house and probably tackle my business inbox on a Saturday because the balance is always a work in progress 🙂

Xo Amanda